I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
