I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
