I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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