he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
