I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
