I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
