I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
