Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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