Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
