I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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