She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
