just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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