I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
