Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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