margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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