I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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