that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
