Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
