Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
