My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
