ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
