i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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