My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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