Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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