Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
