If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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