We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
