she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
