I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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