i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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