If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
