Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
