I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is Oprah even human
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
