after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
