I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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