i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
