i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
