Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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