hell yes lets make some ravioli
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
