Whod you bang
Need sex. Gaining weight.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
a search helicopter?!
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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