she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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