someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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