Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
