Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
