Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
