Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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