Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
