using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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