You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
