so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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