I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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