Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
