All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
