everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
