He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
