I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
