apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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