Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
