My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
