At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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