Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
