her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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