she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
