Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
