Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
