Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
