You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
