At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
