i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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