I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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