Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
