My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
