I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Do vagina's smell?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
