i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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