What did we do last night that was yellow?
Michael Bay diarrhea
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
