she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
