I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
