We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
