i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
even my farts smell like vagina
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize