Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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