Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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